I’ve often dreamt about the day I could write a blog about how I lost a lot of weight. Anyone that knows me, knows that my desire for food and my need to lose weight have been difficult for me for many years. I have tried many different strategies and plans. I’ve had some success but mostly failure. This struggle has caused me to wonder what is wrong with me, especially as a Christian. More than anything I want to grow in godliness but I’ve lacked the discipline and self-control to change in certain areas of my life.

Inward transformation can take a long time to show outwardly. Even after my numerous failed attempts at changing my eating habits, I can see how God hasn’t given up on me. More than having a healthy weight, God wants to free me from the sin that has so closely cling on. He has been patiently removing layers and layers of inward sinfulness that has led to my struggles with food. As Christians, we don’t walk the path of sanctification alone. The Bible promises that it is God who will work in us, both to will and work for His good pleasure.  The road to godliness is hard and long, but it is also full of the Lord’s unfailing love and grace. There is nothing better than coming to understand despite our many sins and failures, God remains faithful.

This past fall I found out that I have diabetes. I’ve debated if I should write about this.  I know there can be other factors at play but I know for myself, my decisions have led to this diagnosis. As hard as this has been to process and to start to make changes, this is a mercy from God. The Lord disciplines those He loves. God knew this had to happen as a wake-up call to show me that this is a battle I cannot fight on my own. I’ve been so foolish to think that I could. I thought that since other people are able to control their weight, I should be able to as well. After all we all know that we need to eat more veggies and exercise more to lose weight. My prideful thinking prevented me from admitting I needed help.

When I first found out, I was tempted to downplay things but God impressed on my heart the need to be open and honest. It was hard to start to tell people. Feelings of embarrassment and shame flooded my heart. I feared that I wasn’t a good Christian witness. But through it all I knew I needed the accountability of people knowing. Sin grows in the dark but it dies in the light. All of this can still be painful to talk about but I’m learning that honesty brings healing and freedom, and I’m so thankful for that.

I’m not the hero of my story. God has been so good and gracious to me, and the people in my life have shown me the love and grace of Christ. I haven’t had to walk through this alone and that has been such a gift.   I am feeling so much better and by God’s grace, things are going well and I’m learning much along the way.

I pray, like always, that the things I write point others to the beauty and joy of knowing Jesus personally. I feel compelled to share about this journey to tell of the hope and healing that is found in Him. God never stops pursuing His people. I have seen in deeper ways how it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance; He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve. I will always remember the way I experienced God’s comforting and sustaining strength, in the midst of many tears, on my drive home from the doctors after receiving my diagnosis.  In the moments I’ve felt most broken and discouraged, Jesus has been the friend who sticks closer than a brother. Jesus never tires of offering to us forgiveness and new beginnings!