“For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)

As I am in the process of losing weight, I need to be reminded often that this shouldn’t only be about the numbers and physical health. My failure isn’t only eating too much food and sugar, it goes way deeper than that. At the bottom of everything, I’ve chosen to love and to depend on food more than the Lord. Even though I know Jesus alone can bring lasting comfort and satisfaction, I’ve looked to other things for it. I’ve made many excuses for my lack of self-control and discipline in these and other areas of my life. I’ve allowed my self-indulgent desires to drive my life rather than letting my desires be led by the Word of God.  What is happening inwardly directly affects what happens outwardly. Our words and actions reveal the overflow of our heart.

As I’ve been reflecting, I’ve realized that there are a few things God has done in my heart in the past that are helping me with the journey today. So often God is working in us and preparing us for the next season in life even when we cannot see it.

1. He has given me the assurance that His love does not fluctuate based on my daily performance.  If it’s a great day or if it’s a day I’ve completely failed, His love remains steady and unchanging. God knew the enormous amount of grace I would need and He still chose to save me.Those who are in Christ are held secure because of what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross. I have found this to be such a comforting truth on the days I’m afraid God is disappointed in me.
2. God took me through a season a few years ago when I had to learn how to pour out my heart before Him in prayer.  Looking back I realize that time was instrumental in starting to learn how  to rely on God, rather than food, to process the difficulties in life.The amazing reality is the more you pour out your heart before God, the more you grow in confidence He does truly care for us and that he welcomes our honesty, no matter how ugly it may be. He meets us in our deepest hurts and discouragements even on the days we struggle to trust Him.
3. A couple of years ago I read a really helpful book, The Weight of Grace,  that talked a lot about emotional eating.  It helped me to start to think about the reasons I am drawn to food to cope with all the different emotions I experience in life. I’ve heard the sin in our lives compared with peeling an onion. There are often layers and layers that need to be peeled back to understand the motivations of our hearts and the reasons we do what we do.

More than becoming a smaller size, the state of my heart is most important. It is the wellspring of life where everything flows from. I’m discovering that when my heart is right before the Lord, change will naturally start to flow from there. Inward change can’t always be measured but it is still such an important part of the process. God enables us to pursue godliness while turning away from old patterns of life. It is a long journey filled with many ups and downs but God’s grace is truly sufficient. 

Sometimes I wonder why it has taken so long for me to make progress in the way I approach food. While as Christians we should always be seeking to become more like Christ, the reality is sometimes change takes a long time. Often it is in the process of change that God does great work in us. As we experience growth and failure, God teaches so much about who He is and who we are. As we grow in our knowledge of and love for Jesus more, the more we are changed. Of course I would rather not have diabetes, but I am so thankful for all the things God is teaching me in this season and the years leading up to this point. He uses everything we experience for our good and His glory. Over and over again God has proven that He truly is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his faithful love

toward those who fear him.

As far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed

our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

For he knows what we are made of,

remembering that we are dust. (Psalm 103:11-14)